Tragic Magic
by RonnikinSnuggleMuffin
Summary: When Parvati Patil is suddenly transformed into a large moose, the rest of the Griffindors face the conflict of whether or not to eat the moose, or make sweet moose love to it.


Note:

I do not own any wildlife, Parvati, Harry, Ron, Hermione, nor any other _Harry Potter_ character. Though in my own fantasized mind I like to think that I own these people, they are not actually people, they are the work of J. K. Rowling, and I do not own her either. I also do not own any wild moose, nor any other animal belonging to the moose family.

No moose were harmed during the writing of this Fan Fiction. Though I do recall eating a chocolate mousse several weeks ago, I do not think they are related. Because if they were, I would have never eaten the mousse. I would have chosen the cheesecake instead.

Chapter 1: A moose is loose you silly goose.

It was a dark sunny evening at Hogwarts school of witchery and whatnot. The adorable British children were frolicking amidst the butterflies. The brisk air was horny. The lake tide erotically caressed the shore, sending waves of pulsing sensation to the rocks and peaks of orgasmic breaking tide upon the shore again and again, thrashing itself hard against the bank. Yes, it was a kinky night folks.

Meanwhile, Parvati Patil was sitting by the Dark Forest crying insanely. Typical of an over-dramatized girly witch who cries all year. Harry heard what sounded like a mad pigeon being prodded to death by a magnitude of Furbys. So, instinctively, yelping like a girl, he pranced into view to assist in any way he could.

Suddenly, a mad moose leapt from the forest and began wrestling Parvati ecstatically. "Help!" She squealed out. I don't mean like a girly squeal, I mean like a guinea pig at the sight of a toddler running to the cage kind of squeal. Harry, who had been dancing with a nearby butterfly had no idea what was going on.

"Help!" Parvati spluttered. "I've been attacked by a large moose!"

"I don't understand" jingled Harry. "And why are you down there playing with that silly moose?"

When finally realizing that there was danger after half of Parvati's left leg had been ripped off, Harry let out a shrill peep and pranced gleefully out of sight. The moose grumbled in laughter. Parvati ly motionless. The moose grumbled goodbye and happily galloped back into the forest.

Two hours later, a large bush of hair arrived, along with Hermione. "Oh dear!" She inquired. She found Parvati lying in the leaves, half of her leg gone along with her pink pumps

"Oh, my dark lord!" Parvati dribbled. "Those were my favorite shoes!"

"Come on Parvy dear, lets go to the infirmary" Hermione screeched, lifting Parvati up by her arms. Parvati's tears poured out of her eyes, drowning the nearby crickets. Poor poor baby crickets.

Hermione, who has absolutely no peripheral vision, lost all track of Patil, who was slowly wailing out of site. She instead trailed onward, skipping joyously and landing herself upon a beetle festival. Where all the little beetles were dancing and singing, celebrating the coming spring. There she felt a soft "crunch" and walked on to the great hall for the evening feast.

At the feast, Hermione met up with Ronald Weasley. A young, sexually attractive red head, as I am. There they sat with their happy table of food. The food was happy of course, not the table, that would just be ridiculous.

"Hermione!" Ron squabbled. "I just heard that Parvati was caught making out with an African teacher in the Dark Forest."

"No! Ron you silly cross-eyed platypus!" Said Hermione, giving Ron a nagging look the large mass of hair engulfing her face. "There is a wild moose that's loose".

"You mean a moose is getting around with all the others? That whore." Said Ron, roast beef covering his teeth.

"No! You yellow-bellied flufferwaggle!" Hermione gurgled. "A large moose jumped out from the forest and attacked Parvati!"

"Hermione, that's mean to talk about that African teacher like that" Exalted Ron.

"Ron, he really _was _a moose you two-footed son of a broccoli eater!" Hermione crackled.

Dean jumped in. "You mean Parvati was_ attacked _by a _moose_? He asked.

"_Yes_ she _did_ as I have been _saying_ for the last _10 minutes_."

"Good, its about time something good happened to her." Retorted Seamus.

"Same here" agreed Ernie MacMillan.

"Yea, I agree" Said Moaning Myrtle.

"Yea" Added Flibberdegibbit Wickerwackle.

Hermione's hair had reached an upmost aggravated poofiness in her peturbity. "You mean none of you care that a good friend has almost been half eaten by a moose?" "And you" she pointed at Flibberdegibbit. "Where the hell did you come from?" She shouted all of this, her hair shaking violently.

"Nope, I really don't care what happens to her" replied Ernie.

"Uh, isn't this the waiting room?" replied Flibberdegibbit.

"Who said she was a good friend?" Added Seamus

Ron, who had a secret fetish for hairy moose, thought it best to stay quiet, finishing his yummy potatoes. And boy, those were some good potatoes.

Even though my stories are stupid and have virtually no real plot and its not like anyone would even care if I died suddenly and this story was unable to be finished, I should inform you all that my chapters take a little while to post. So, have a great day. And a great week. And a great month as well. Why not.


End file.
